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Hudson Says Go Live Your Life

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  You are going to die. It is the inevitable destination that your whole life is leading up to. That may seem horribly depressing, but, as they say, it is not about the destination; it is about the journey.

  In other words all of the memories and actions that make up your life that is the journey. Because of this, you need to make it the most memorable journey of all time. After all, it is your last. If we are going to compare this to a road trip, then you should be stopping at every zany roadside attraction. Why not see the world’s largest beehive? Why wouldn’t you want to pet the world’s smallest goat? Or how about gaze into the world’s deepest pit? All of these things would make your road trip unforgettable. But to do the same for your life, you could also visit these places and at the same time live your life worry-free.

  Today society loves to talk about what gives you cancer. After my extensive research, I have come to the conclusion that anything worth doing in this world gives you cancer. That’s right, the man, doesn’t want you to live your life, so they slap taglines like “gives you cancer” on all of the best things in our life. Too bad for them, I don’t care, cancer schmancer, I’ll take a lump on my thigh if it means I can live my life how I want. The way I see it I’ll get it either way, so I might as well have fun before it happens, right?

  Just in case you don’t believe me, and you think you can have a fulfilling life while avoiding all the cancerous things in the world, you’re wrong, and I will even provide a list for your reading pleasure.

  Alcohol and sugary drinks will give you cancer. Now I’m not saying I indulge in either heavily, if at all, but I will say that I will not be drinking water for my whole life. There is no way you can avoid a little sugar in your drink. The amount of times I have craved the crisp taste of a ginger ale is just too many. When you want a surge of sugar, you want it, and the thought of maybe getting cancer will not stop that.

  Next is grilled and processed meat. I don’t even think I need to mention this one. If you go eighty years without chomping into a huge, juicy steak, then did you really live eighty years? No, not really. You just survived; you didn’t live. You got by on organic nuts and roots, living like a forager. That’s no way to live. Now, let’s recap. As of now, you can only drink water and eat potatoes. This is starting sound a lot like living in Soviet Russia; not too much fun from what I hear.

  My personal favorite is one that really blew my mind, considering it is a product that is advertised as something that stops cancer. Finally, cancer giving product on the list is… Sunscreen. Yup! That’s right, sunscreen. The only thing that can protect you from the sun’s cancerous rays is secretly just giving you more cancer.

  How mad are you right now? Your entire life is a lie, your mother, your father, that little naked baby on the sunscreen bottle, they all lied to you. Sunscreen Kills!  My theory is that you don’t get skin cancer from the sun; it is actually because the sunscreen gives you a different cancer. And that’s just too much cancer to keep track of, so your body just chooses one or the other.

  I hope now you can see that one way or another you will die, and following a strict diet of only handpicked, organic, non-GMO, cage free, turnips, and water collected from rainfalls in the Canary Islands will do little to protect you from the inevitable. Not only do you have to eat dirt, but you can’t even use the products that are supposed to protect you from cancer. Now that we both know everything in the world is out to get us, say goodbye to living scared and hello to living free.

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The Online Companion to Mount Michael Student Publications
Hudson Says Go Live Your Life